I don't remember who said it to me as a kid.. but I can remember hearing the phrase "I know you heard me, but were you listening?" At the time that really confused me. Obviously I wasn't listening or I would remember who said it to me. I looked up the definitions for hear and listen when I started this post. The definitions are very similar, the significant difference between the two is that listening requires your attention. This is something that I have learned before but living it in my heart has been an entirely different experience.I am not the type of person that makes New Year's resolutions. Mostly because I am not dedicated enough to follow through, so why try. Also because there is so much hype around it, it's kinda like Christmas and every other holiday that is commercialized. "New Year New You" take this weight loss pill, join this gym.. be a better you. Not that I have anything against any of those things; they are just not for me.
I don't recall the beginning of 2015 being different than that of any other year. I don't have a reason why and I don't remember anything happening around that time that would make me break my streak of non-resolution, but I did. This resolution is different though. It's not completely up to me to keep. I am sharing the responsibility with God.
So, here's what happened. I was bored and looking for a new devotion (YouVersion) to do in the mornings when I came across "One Word That Will Change Your Life". I thought why not...(I was skeptical, how can one word change your whole life) I wonder what this one miraculous word is. Turns out the devotion is about making resolutions (kinda). The author of the devotion shared that they had started choosing just one word a year to focus on each year. After reading the first days devotion, I was hooked. I wanted a word. But which one? I prayed and asked God which word I should choose. I didn't hear anything. Now what? How am I supposed to focus on just one thing if I don't have one word? I kept reading the devotion, hoping that I would get some inspiration. There are so many words to choose from. Patience? Um... no I don't think I am strong enough to pick that word. Compassion? Hope? Faith? Joy? All good words, but still no clear direction.
By the end of the devotion, the author says... Don't worry if you don't feel as if you have received a word from the Lord. Just pick one and you will be amazed at the creative ways the Lord will work that word into your life. So I picked "Listen". I need help with this often. I know that I need to listen better to my kids and my husband and my family and to God. Not just a simple acknowledgement of what was said but really listening to the people in my life. I figured it was a good start. Picking that particular word was inspired by a scripture that I used to pray when I was a teenager (I still have it posted by my desk):
"The Lord has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens me morning by morning. He awakens my ear as the learned. The Lord has opened my ear." Isaiah 50:4
For as long as I can remember... that scripture has been my heart's cry. I want nothing more in the world than to hear the words of the Lord and to speak them. As with any new thing that I commit to the Lord, my imagination goes wild with the fantastic possibilities that could happen. Like a fire from heaven will come down and bestow upon me this gift of listening that will only be used for good and not evil.. a spiritual Daredevil. Yes, I know I'm a mess :D Anyways....
I am 6 months into this thing and two significant things, I'm aware of, have happened. Though, admittedly I have kinda lost focus over the last few months or so. I got a gentle reminder to get my focus back on course, thus the blog. Plus, this is a good check point. After I had settled on my one word, I started adding "listen" to my morning time with the Lord. At first, I was just asking the Lord to open my ears to listen. I decided that I needed to place around me reminders of what I am supposed to be focusing on. I changed the lock screen on my phone. I asked a few close trusted friends what they thought of when they imagined what the word "listen" looked like, then I painted that. One day while I was talking to the Lord, I felt like He said, "ok, now listen". When I stopped talking, I realized just how much I don't listen because my mind was racing everywhere. I couldn't get my mind to shut up long enough to listen to anything; I did my best to continue to practice being quiet and just listening throughout the day, man that's tough.
I'm not exactly sure when my heart made a switch but my prayers changed from just being focused on hearing words to... God, please help me listen. I mean really listen to what people are saying. I don't just want to hear the words that are coming out of their mouths; I want the really listen to what their hearts are saying. This was a super pivotal moment for me. I had already been putting effort toward having a more positive attitude. I had let years of working retail/medical/customer service wear me down and I haven't been very positive in a long time. But listening to peoples' hearts? That's a whole other level. That requires love. More love than I have. So, along with asking to listen.. I asked for the love too. I prayed like this for a while, I don't remember how long, I just kept praying and just staying open. One day we had a customer at the pharmacy that was semi-freaking out at one of our techs. We all try to look out for each other, taking over where we can to avoid customer complaints, and sometimes it just takes a fresh face to resolve a situation. So, I stepped in and started listening to what was going on and asking questions trying to figure out what the customer needed, at the same time trying to figure out the best way to help. I tried explaining processes, I tried calming the customer down, I tried just responding to the immediate complaints, nothing was working to calm her down. I was getting frustrated at this point because I couldn't get a straight answer of what this customer wanted me to do. And that's when I heard it.... "Listen". I almost cried at the still small voice. I took a deep breath and focused on listening. By the end, I had it, the customer was in the middle of a move. They were super stressed out and couldn't handle the thought of one more thing going wrong while transferring from one state to another. It sounds simple but just that change of really listening made all the difference, all of the worry about that moment just drained out of the customers face. I had what I needed to not only do my job, but to give the customer what they needed to have a little bit of peace during a stressful time. I was humbled because I don't know this person that I now have a little more love for than if I had never really listened. I'd be lying though if I didn't tell you that afterward it hit me.... That. Was. Freaking. Awesome. It really worked! Thank you Jesus!! That entire situation would have gone down hill fast if it wasn't for Him. And I got to be a part of it. Thank you so much, Jesus.
The second time I recall really listening was at church while we were praying for our neighbors. That was scary but good. I was doing my best to listen and pray what I felt like the Father wanted to say to my neighbor. As much as I want to speak His word, it scares the crap out of me. It's a heavy thing to speak for someone so holy. That's something I just don't want to mess up.
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." -Hebrews 12:1-2