It's dumb! My husband tells me and shows me that I am beautiful every day. When did my self-worth start depending on my mood? Where did the confidence go, did I ever really have it? Why do I care what you think?
When I examine how I have been feeling, it's the lack of confidence that I notice the most. The feeling that I am not good enough, that I am not beautiful, that I am just getting old and worn out and tired. Is that depression?
Whatever it is, I am tired of dealing with it. This is not who I am, this is not who I am created to be. I am STRONG. I am BEAUTIFUL. I am MORE than CAPABLE, I am a daughter of the KING.
So, I am slowly climbing out of this funk. I'm consciously taking steps to feeling better. I'm making goals for exercising and eating well. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself when I don't meet those goals. I'm sharing my feelings now, not for sympathy, but for support. I need people to speak truth and encouragement into my life. And I am speaking encouragement to myself, I know who I am, and I intend to start acting like it.
I don't expect it to be easy, climbing out of this funk will take some doing on my part. Besides, being a princess is hard work. Being a princess is about more than just looking pretty to find a prince that will take care of you and everything else. Being a princess isn't even about only depending on only yourself, despite what feminism and Hollywood says, but knowing when you need others and letting them help fill in gaps that only they can fill. Being a princess is about learning how to rule, it requires a willingness to learn, and a willingness to listen. It requires confidence and purpose, It requires loyalty, caring, understanding, love and compassion. It means being aware of yourself, knowing both strengths and weakness, and being willing to change. One of my favorite movies One Night With The King puts it well:
Hagai: [to Esther as she is feeding the monkeys] I am curious, to whether you frustrate me of sincerity or to ensure you're never chosen Queen.
Esther: [getting to her feet, turning around] You assume I actually care about being chosen Queen.
Hagai: I am serious!
Esther: Serious of what? Finding a real Queen? Is that why you subject us to these beauty treatments? These... classes?
Hagai: You do not like our fine instructors?
Esther: They simply neglect to teach us some things.
Hagai: Such as?
Esther: Well seemingly anything to do with actually being Queen. The thought well thought; the word well spoken; and the deed well done.
This is the kind of leader, person, daughter, mom, and wife that I want to be. A person who has well thoughts, words and deeds. A true princess