I am not a night owl. Steve teases that I am an old lady and that I turn into a pumpkin at 9. It's true. I have been that way as long as I can remember. My body is just hardwired to sleep early and get up early. So Steve's late nights have been hard on me. I wish we could go back to the time when he and I would cuddle on our favorite chair together and watch tv while eating cookies. But we can't, he already announced that he is running for US Congress and now he has to do the work to show that he is a serious candidate.I am still worried. Don't get me wrong. I am not worried about him or that he can do the job. I have complete faith in that. I am worried about me. I am worried that it is going to change me. Change us. It's only been a month and I am having a hard time with the late nights and the time that he has spent away from us. In so many ways I feel like I am a single mom again.
I hate feeling alone. Something changed when we got married and now I can't sleep well unless he is next to me. Not sure what that is all about, I have slept just fine by myself for years, and now that I am married all of the sudden his absence causes insomnia? The next day isn't fun either. I am cranky cause Steve didn't come home til late and tired cause I couldn't sleep which makes the cranky even worse.I have tried to manage my expectations by just assuming that he is always politicing and that I can't depend on him to be around. That works for planning and I am definitely less mad at him. It doesn't help that I don't understand politics. What could they possibly be talking about this late at night? I am pretty sure they aren't making donor phone calls... they do want to win. I can't think of anything more annoying that getting a late night phone call from a politician, most people don't even wanna talk to telemarketers late at night and I am pretty sure that politicians are more disliked than telemarketers... scary. This is what my husband wants to do. Whatever.
What I really hate... is the unexpected. Especially when we have been home for a while, not like we are doing anything spectacular. Just enjoying being home. Everyone just chillin out. Then BOOM. He has to go. Just got a meeting with "someone" I have no idea who these people are. Emergency conference call. Or whatever whatever. When my expectation is that I am going to be able to spend the night cuddling with my husband... and he suddenly has to go.. I know that he is going to be out late. Neither Steve or Matt (his campaign manager) know how to shut up. Do you blame me for being mad? Sometimes a girl just needs a little uninterrupted attention.
I probably shouldn't even write any of this. But I am very upset, and I can't sleep because tonight is one of those unexpected nights. I couldn't stay quiet and fought with him as he walked out the door to his "had to be in person" meeting with Matt.
I am sure that I will get over this. It will all work out; I am worried that harder times are coming. I know that he is working hard. What I feel right now... is that when this is all over... Steve owes me BIG.
All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot!
-Dr. Seuss-