One Thing I Learned From Longest Job Interview EVER

Well... It is over.  The Republican Primary is over and we did not win.  Actually, Steve got beat pretty bad.  All is not lost though, because there were lessons learned and friends made.  Now, we are working on moving forward and what life is going to look like for the next two years.  Politics is not gone from my life; Steve enjoys it way too much for it ever to be completely gone.  We haven't discussed him running again in great detail because we are both still decompressing from the stress of the last year.

There is one thing that I learned that sticks out the most to me (which I already knew, but obviously wasn't living) is that... I NEED JESUS! I wrote in my blog "Steve Lane for Congress" that I would need to remember to lean on Him. Well, I forgot to remember.  That isn't completely fair.  I did lean on Jesus when I was REALLY stressed out, but for the most part.. I forgot.  I got so wrapped up in what was going on that I didn't even stop to share my life with the one that holds my life in his hands.

I am the kind of girl that feels love through time.  Even though I know without a shadow of doubt that Steve loves me... He was not around like he had been before.  Steve is so good at spoiling me that it is what I started to expect all the time, and as time went on during the election he spent less and less time with me.  When I told Steve that I could handle him running because I had been a single mom before and I am completely capable of taking care of a household on my own, I did not take into account the emotions involved in that decision.  Even though everything I said was true, it was way more stressful than I anticipated.  Before, when I was a single mom, I only had myself to depend on.  Running a house all by myself while I am married to a loving husband, that is completely different.

Anyway back to what I learned... I think for a relationship to be healthy, both people should be complete.  I did not find my missing half when I met Steve; he did not complete me.  I am already a whole person.  Independent and strong.  Self-sufficient and happy.  My happiness should not be completely dependent on Steve.  Somewhere after marriage, I lost sight of that. I am not taking away from any of the responsibility he has to love, care and protect me.  He still has to do all of those things, but if he fails (he is human... and a man LOL) my happiness should not take a nose dive ending in a death spin.

Jesus is my friend and my God and my defender and my Everything.  He earned my trust, and He deserves my time.  I should have let him fill my with His love so that I could better love Steve.  I should have let Him carry my burden so that I wasn't so stressed out.  I could name a million more "should haves".  I'm not being critical of myself; I do not feel bad.  Instead, I am thankful that today is a new day.  I am thankful that I can use all the experiences that I have had over the last year as stepping stones to make it through the next thing God has lined up for me.