Confidence and Patience (Maybe)

Looking back now that this first half of this semester is over, I have learned stuff!  I know you are happy to know that because I should be learning stuff in college, right!  When I ask my kids what they learned in school, I usually get a response like "stuff".  Sometimes they ask me personal questions like, "mommy, have you ever had an ingrown toe nail? cause that is what we learned about in school today"

When I take a serious look at what I have learned, this is what I got:
1.  I have learned that discussing ideas about your paper with others who don't understand the assignment, is a great way to start arguments.  And as my classmate found out can get you in some trouble.
2.  When writing a paper, it is good to let it rest.  I found that the advice in the text book was helpful.  When I am stressing over my writing, leaving it alone, then coming back to it a day later gives you a fresh look and seems to help with the ideas flowing.
3.  Having and editor is great!  I really liked having peer reviews.  I worked hard on my paper and I still missed things.  Spelling and grammar and sentence structure.  It was very helpful in shaping the final product!  THANK YOU PEERS!!
4.  I used to be scared of blogging.  I thought I would never have enough time.  I thought that nobody would read it.  I didn't want to waste my time.  I have been proven wrong all the way around and have discovered that I really like it.
5.  I have learned some things that I have always kind of known intuitively.  Papers have an audience, and should be written to that audience.  You don't want to hand in a paper to your supervisor and have it written as if you're talking to  your child.

Overall, I think it has been a successful first half.  I am ecstatic that mid-terms are over and I am ready to be done!!

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go. - Dr. Seuss

Remembering Brandon

I miss my brother. I have written five sentences then erased them (several times).  Everything I want to say seems so cliche and trite when I write it down.  The words seem so small compared to the feelings that I want to express.  How do you express years of memories in just a few words?  I miss him so much sometimes that I feel like there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled up.. that will never stop bleeding.

It's something that  you can't really understand until it happens to you.  I suppose it is inevitable in life to lose the people that we love, especially as we get older.  I never thought that it would happen to me so soon.  We didn't have time to prepare, I don't know that it would have made it any easier, but it hurts in a way that I can't quite articulate that I didn't get to say goodbye.

Some days are harder than others, fighting off the images and feelings that bombard me, memories of when I first got the news that Brandon was gone. I remember the tears that wouldn't stop and feeling like my heart had stopped.  I remember how hard it was to get up the next morning and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that.  I remember thinking that things would never be the same.

The pain never really goes away, you just learn to cope with it.  Mostly I deal with it by thinking about all of the great memories I have of my brother.  I got a tattoo symbolizing him shortly after he passed away.  It's a dinosaur.. Rex the Dinosaur (from Toy Story) to be exact.  It makes me smile.  It reminds me of him.  He was small with a huge dinosaur sized heart.  He hated vegetables.  He had tiny arms (LOL.. family joke).  Brandon had a heart of gold.  He was kind and caring.  He would quickly forgive any wrong.  His laugh... OMG his laugh.  I can still hear it sometimes.  It was full and contagious.  He was full of so much light and joy.

Brandon passed away the day after his birthday, November 5, 2011.  He was a triplet; trying to celebrate Nicole and Dustin's birthday proved to be difficult for me last year.  I am hoping it will be easier this year.  I don't want to be so lost in sorrow that I "forget" them.  What good is mourning time lost, if it makes you lose time with the family that is still here? 

I plan on visiting the place we spread his ashes this year.  Starting to think that may not be a good idea.  The kids really want to go though, and I don't want to disappoint them for a second year in a row.

I am trying hard for this blog to have some sort of direction, purpose and for it to flow.  But I am failing miserably. SO I am going to stop right here and end this with the video that a friend made for my family.

Brandon's Video

Sometimes you will never know the value of something,

until it becomes a memory.- Dr. Seuss

Steve Lane for Congress

Well.. It is officially official.  My husband has announced that he is a candidate for congress in the 4th district.  He announced on Ralph Bristol this morning.  Here's the audio clip!

He and I had several lengthy discussions before this decision was made.  We talked a lot about what a campaign would look like for our family.  Since neither of us has done anything like this before, I am still not quite sure what to expect.  We talked about him being away, speaking engagements, possible criticisms there will be and how we will handle that, and a range of other things.  Now we will find out what it's really like.

I am very proud of Steve.  I believe in what he is trying to accomplish and the heart behind what he believes.  I really think he can do this.  He has vision and he is creative and he really knows what he is talking about.  I can "see" him winning.  Besides, I am behind him.  I heard a story once that goes like this.

Years ago when the first George Bush was President he went out campaigning for his second term in office. While on the road they needed some gas and the driver pulled into a gas station along the road. As the attendant started fueling the car Mrs. Barbara Bush got out of the vehicle, walked around, hugged and cheerfully spoke with the attendant.

After they finished talking, she got back into the car and sat next to her husband. President Bush asked her, "Who was that?" She responded, "A high school boyfriend."

To which he replied, "You mean to tell me, that you left the car to talk to him? Do you realize that you are married to the President of the United States? If you had married him, you’d be the wife of a gas station attendant."

She responded: "Honey, if I had married him, he would be the President of the United States."
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/marriedhim.asp#9W1wI7qRVCSOEgER.99

Years ago when the first George Bush was President he went out campaigning for his second term in office. While on the road they needed some gas and the driver pulled into a gas station along the road. As the attendant started fueling the car Mrs. Barbara Bush got out of the vehicle, walked around, hugged and cheerfully spoke with the attendant. After they finished talking, she got back into the car and sat next to her husband.  President Bush asked her, "Who was that?" She responded, "A high school boyfriend." To which he replied, "You mean to tell me, that you left the car to talk to him?  Do you realize that you are married to the President of the United States?  If you had married him, you’d be the wife of a gas station attendant."
She responded: "Honey, if I had married him, he would be the President of the United States."

I checked this story out to try to find proof that it actually happened.  According to Snopes, this is just a story and similar tales have been published about several other famous couples.  Even though the stories are not true, I would like to think that I am that kind of inspiration for my husband. 
Steve says that because I am basically a-political that I keep him grounded.  I don't quite understand what he is trying to say, even though he has tried to explain it to me several times.  I am just me.  I don't know most the people that he looks up to or why he gets so excited when he meets them in person.  Meh, big deal, to me they are just people.  Some of the events we have gone to can only be compared to what I imagine a geeky comic convention must be like.  At the end of the conference, everybody has nerd-gasms and rushes to the front of the room to talk to and take pictures with the speakers.  That kind of thing just doesn't do it for me.  

Steve says that I am like the typical voter.  I have a life.  Hahahaha!  I find that statement funny.  Seriously though, I have kids, and a 40 hour job, and I am a part-time student, who has time to follow politics?  I don't know how the current congressmen voted over the year(s) and I don't know the issues that are important to them.  I hear tidbits about the main elections from collegues and from strangers passing by who happen to say something about it, from facebook, and from the news.  What I have learned in the short time that Steve has been telling me about the goings on in the political world, is that you can't trust the news.  They don't get the facts right anymore.  What I have learned from statistics class is that you can "massage" the numbers to make them favor the result you are looking for.  This doesn't make for a great or informative combination.  So what do you do?  Steve says that the best way to know what is going on is to get involved; go to a meeting.  According to him, the statements he hears the most about why people don't get involved are "How can just one person make a difference" or "My vote doesn't count".  Honestly, there are so many people that don't care or don't have time to care that one vote DOES count.  I have seen some of the change that one person can make just by observing Steve and his friends.  I don't know all the details but I know that changes have been made and some changes are in process here in Rutherford County.  Did you know it only takes 1,700 votes to be elected to Murfreesboro City Council in a population of 115,000?  In the 4th congressional district there are over 400,000 registered voters and in a 3 way primary like what Steve will be running in, it will only take about 15,000 votes to be elected.  Seems to me the numbers say there is plenty of room for people (me included) to see positive change just by being an informed voter (who actually votes).

If I am completely honest with myself, I am really scared.  I don't know what is going to happen over the next year.  I will probably have to make some sacrifices to make sure that Steve gets to the places he needs to be.  I am probably going to have to deal with people saying mean things about him.  I know that Steve will be spending lots of time away from me and the kids while he is campaigning.  I will miss him.  A LOT.  We are a two income household, plus we have kids, so I can't just pick up and follow him around.  I am not crazy about this.  And I don't even want to get into the what-if's involved with winning.

This is what I do know.  I know that I am crazy in love with this man.  I know that we are both committed to a working relationship and that we can handle and work through anything that comes our way.  I know that I can do anything and get the strength I need through Christ (I just need to remember to lean on Him).  I know that I believe in Steve and what he stands for. And because I know all of those things I know that this will work, no matter the outcome.

So.. here are all the ways to check out my incredible husband.. 

Official Website stevelaneforcongress.com

FaceBook Page Steve Lane for Congress

Twitter LaneForTN

And of course I will be periodically posting how this is affecting me LOL

“You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!”  -Dr. Seuss

Years ago when the first George Bush was President he went out campaigning for his second term in office. While on the road they needed some gas and the driver pulled into a gas station along the road. As the attendant started fueling the car Mrs. Barbara Bush got out of the vehicle, walked around, hugged and cheerfully spoke with the attendant.

After they finished talking, she got back into the car and sat next to her husband. President Bush asked her, "Who was that?" She responded, "A high school boyfriend."

To which he replied, "You mean to tell me, that you left the car to talk to him? Do you realize that you are married to the President of the United States? If you had married him, you’d be the wife of a gas station attendant."

She responded: "Honey, if I had married him, he would be the President of the United States."
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/marriedhim.asp#9W1wI7qRVCSOEgER.99

Years ago when the first George Bush was President he went out campaigning for his second term in office. While on the road they needed some gas and the driver pulled into a gas station along the road. As the attendant started fueling the car Mrs. Barbara Bush got out of the vehicle, walked around, hugged and cheerfully spoke with the attendant.

After they finished talking, she got back into the car and sat next to her husband. President Bush asked her, "Who was that?" She responded, "A high school boyfriend."

To which he replied, "You mean to tell me, that you left the car to talk to him? Do you realize that you are married to the President of the United States? If you had married him, you’d be the wife of a gas station attendant."

She responded: "Honey, if I had married him, he would be the President of the United States."
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/marriedhim.asp#9W1wI7qRVCSOEgER.99

Just What We Needed

Over the last couple of months my stress level has been building and building and building.  Just life stuff, I can't claim I have anymore going on than the next person.  Family and work and school plus for some reason I have been extra emotional lately (that hasn't helped).  So I have really been looking forward to this vacation with my family!  My amazing mom gave us a vacation for Christmas last year.  Now here we are on the gorgeous gulf shore!!  More than just being on the beach.. we are in the pent house.  I learned a few lessons:
1. If you plan on running near the shore, don't wear your favorite running shoes!  They will get wet and full of sand.  While sand excellently exfoliates your feet.. it is not fun to have in your shoes while you run.  Barefoot is the way to go, just look out for sharp shells
2. Baby powder is a beach essential!  Or so I have heard.. and read.  I haven't actually tried it yet.
3. Seagulls are basically beach rats.. DO NOT FEED them.
4. My daughter wants to be a mermaid.
5. Alabama is serious about their alligators.
6. Building a sand castle is a lot harder than it looks.

This view is amazing!  We are situated so that we can see both the sunrise and the sunset from the balcony.  The ocean when we got here was dark and rough because tropical storm/hurricane Karen was threatening to hit our beach (thankfully it did not).  Throughout the week the water has become clearer and we can see fish and stingrays come up to the shore as night starts to fall.  The sound of the waves is so calming and the constant breeze is refreshing.

We didn't really have any plans for this trip; we wake up slowly in the morning.  I spend some time with my mom and a cup of coffee in the morning.  It's all been very relaxing!

Steve and I have gone running everyday (well I didn't go today because my calves hurt really bad).  And I am being a baby because I broke out with a rash.. I think that the sunscreen is the culprit.  It is so nice to run on the beach in the morning.  Fresh air and the sunrise and every now and then the waves splash up on your feet.  Plus it is a real workout to run in the sand.  It definitely works different muscle groups than running on the road.

While on the beach we noticed several kids feeding the birds.  The seagulls would then follow them around swooping at their heads.  The motions they made to get the birds to go away were the same motions they made to throw food to them in the first place so the birds just kept looking for food.  It's funny when it is happening to someone else.  Although we never fed the seagulls they looked at us suspiciously a couple of times.. just waiting for crumbs to fall and daring us with their beady eyes to feed them. 

The kids LOVE the ocean!  We have had so much fun. I absolutely love seeing the surprise and joy on their face when they play in the waves.  In between swimming we have great beach time either just chillin in the sun or building sand castles.  Mostly they like digging holes and filling them with water.  We have buried a few kids and even shaped Rachel into a mermaid.  Alisa and Hannah informed me that Rachel looked on the internet for spells that would turn her into a mermaid.  LOL my kids make me laugh.  I am proud that she is curious and does her research though!

Gulf Shores has walking trails, well I guess technically its Orange Beach.  So we took a walk there one day; we were introduced to an alligator named Lefty.  Lefty is missing her right eye and leg, according to the park tour guide guy, she probably lost them during her first mating season because she didn't know what she was doing.  He also informed us that Left was upset when the park put up a fence so she started eating people's dogs.  We also learned that "A Fed Gator is a Dead Gator".  Don't feed the gators.. they will continue to expect food and if given none will go after your legs.  At the end of our 2 mile hike we sat for a while at the butterfly pavilion.  It was gorgeous.  I loved seeing the butterflies flit around the flowers as we just relaxed in the shade. 

The kids found some flashlights and have gone hunting for crabs.  The crabs are almost the same color as the sand and you have to careful look for movement in the sand to find them.  They had them in a bucket, then put them in a giant sand arena to battle it out; the crabs weren't very interested in battling. They wanted to escape the crazy kids that kept throwing them into a pit.

Even the elevator rides going back and forth from our room to the beach have been fun
https://vine.co/v/hHBaVJeix7L               https://vine.co/v/hHBWbPgEApD 

 We even took some time to take the kids souvenir shopping since they brought their own money.  Rachel got a shirt and hat that say "YOLO", both Alisa and Hannah got a pearl necklace.  And Elijah.... he gets a hat that says "I pooped today" LOL

 We have had such a great time!  I am so thankful for my family and for being able to spend some relaxed quality time with them.   I have even had time to add an extra three pages to the paper that I have to write for school while the kids were vegging out in front of the TV.  I can not even express how much I have needed not only the down time, but also the much needed time with family! LOVE IT!!

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.” -Dr. Seuss

Enlarge My Mouth

In 1 Samuel 2 (KJV) it says, "And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the Lord, mine horn is exalted in the Lord: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation."

The highlighted part always kind of confused me.  I would get these images of Hannah eating people, and of the old testament stories about the ground opening up and swallowing people.  I don't remember when it was that it finally sunk in but I thought "What does an enlarged mouth look like?"...."Oh a smile" HA I am such a dork!  It makes me laugh now when I think about those old images that used to come to mind.  

Today when I read it, this passage in 1 Sam. 2, gives me so much joy.  (If you read it in some other versions it actually says smile.  lol I should have started there).  We have so much to be thankful for as God's people.  I have so much to be thankful for.  My life could be so different, but I am certain that  God's hand in my life has kept me from so much harm.  He definitely saves me from so much (probably daily).

When I sat down to write this blog, I was thinking about joy.  How the joy of the Lord is our strength, how in the presence of the Lord is the fullness of joy.  But then I sat down and read the passage in Samuel over again, and it reminded me of Psalm 23.  It is very similar.  I find it beautiful that both Hannah and David after her would say the same things. I love how the bible is connected throughout it's books.

It's all because of God's goodness and the way that he takes care of us.  Hannah's prayer was answered, she got a son!  My heart rejoices in the Lord; My horn is exalted in the Lord. I smile at my enemies, because I rejoice in Your salvation - You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and your staff , they comfort me.  Hannah walked through her own valley of barrenness; she saw the Lord answer her prayers.  What better reason do we have to rejoice?  Why should we not be filled with joy!  God answers prayer and he does it extravagantly!!

So I guess this is about joy.  It is the reason we have to be happy.  The great love and care that our Almighty God has for us.  We don't have to want;  we get to rest in the "green pastures" and be at peace as He leads us by still waters and restores our souls.  We should trust him even in the hard times and if we stop and think about times past.. realize that He was there the whole time giving us comfort.  Then there is answered prayer.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!  I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!! 

My Modest Proposal

A dormant volcano is also described as inactive.  While they aren’t erupting at present, below the surface there may be a lot of activity going on and they could explode at any moment.  This is also the best description of my mood lately.  I am frustrated and irritated and generally stressed out.  All of that being said, my trip to find a book at MTSU's library was nothing less than interesting.

I asked Steve to go with me because I had never been there before and didn't want to get lost alone in an unfamiliar place at night.  That campus is NOT car friendly.  You can't get anywhere from where you are.  We finally parked and walked, asked for directions 3 times and finally found the library.  In all, it took about an hour just to check out one book. 

Anyway, the point of this blog is supposed to be about the process of writing my paper.  I asked for help with the topic and my amazing husband helped me with that.  I have reached out for help from friends; one of them is the state director of Ohio Students Concealed Carry, and the other is super smart and writes papers about things political and philosophical in nature.  I have had lots of great direction.

I am not sure exactly what genre my paper is written in.  It definitely has information in it.  It's slightly satirical (who would really give children guns in a school setting?)  Though honestly as a side note, school shootings have only happened in gun free zones where even the security was not allowed to carry.  At the very least schools should take down the "gun free zone" signs.. leave the criminals to guess.  There is some how-to in there ( I am still working on developing that). 

In my research I have found how many people just want guns to be wiped out of existence.  There would be heavy opposition to what I am proposing.  There are people right now fighting for our 2nd amendment right to own a gun.  I don't pretend to know all there is to know about it though.  I am just scraping the surface of this subject to write a short paper.

I have a few more pages to fill out and I think I am going to do that with some compare and contrast.  Stating the other side of the argument.. why should children not have guns? or maybe state how some people might react to the introductions of guns to school.. maybe I will solicit the help of a Facebook questionnaire for that?  I posted this video in the previous blog and I think it is worth posting again.  This girl rocks..

I could also ask you.  If your child was provided a gun and training to use it at a public school.. What would you do?  How would you feel?  Would you feel that your child was more secure or more at risk?

“But I've bought a big bat.
I'm all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going
To have troubles with me!”
  -Dr. Seuss