My Real Imaginary Farm Life

Today started out like most other Mondays.  I woke up at 6 am, then woke the kids to get ready for school.  I took a shower, then I constantly gave Elijah step by step instructions on what he should be doing instead of doing whatever it was that he was actually doing.  After taking the kids to their respective morning places to be, I came home to do business stuff.

Business stuff today, was taking Steve to Nashville to do some work so the concrete workers could poor the driveway for the house that we are building.  As a side note, Steve currently has the flu.  He has a fever and is achy all over and feels horrible, yet he still worked.  I am so thankful to be married to a man that will provide for his family no matter what.  I am thankful that even though he feels bad, he is still taking care of us.

We got back home, I cleaned up the table, put the sheets in the wash, and swept the floor.  I put my favorite podcast (Keeping up with the Jonses) in my earbuds, then for the first time ever I stepped out on to my porch and saw 30 acres of land that is ours. The feeling of the cool wood beneath my feet as I walked to my favorite sitting place.  I propped my feet up and took a deep breath of the remaining dew that clung to the grass.  The fresh smell of water and grass and the freshness of spring on the air washed over me.  I looked out over the land and was absolutely amazed at the peace.  The ducks were in the pond; swimming, diving, enjoying the morning.  The goats are playing on the pallet jungle we have made.  They are jumping from pallet to rock to grass, playing on the beautiful spring morning.  I can hear the chickens clucking away as the find bugs and seeds to snack on.  Our dog, Luna, is watching over everything.  In my minds eye, I could see and feel and smell all of this as I listened to Alyn and AJ talk about transformation this morning.

I saw a video that reminded me of a truth, that I haven't been living or even practiced for a long time.  What I think about, what I dwell on, who I am... that is what I draw to myself. And not only does what I think about affect, who I am... but I have the power to visualize my future and bring that to me as well
.  If I can "see" it, it can happen  I have been feeling that I need to change the way that I have been thinking lately.  Usually, the Lord speaks to me through my own mouth... and more often than not it is when I am lecturing my kids about some life lesson.  The power of thought has been a topic for the last few weeks.

This morning, I didn't specifically intend on focusing on such a vivid imagination, but when it hit me... I went with it.  While I listened, not only was I blessed by the topic, I was also seeing what my future will look like.  Soon, I will be able to walk out on my deck and watch a flourishing farm wake up.  Since I was already in this mindset, I decided to take a spiritual walk around our 30 acres.  I put on some exercise pants and took a mile long walk around the neighborhood while imagining the land and thanking God for His provision, for his blessing on the land, and for my faith.  I asked God to help me in my unbelieving.  I asked him to help me see past the obstacles and to help me see what he has prepared for us.  I kept the images of the land in my mind, and I thought about all the plans that we have already made.  I thought about where the house will go, where the barn will go and I thought about what daily life will look like when we are living on the land that God has prepared for us.  I thought about Joshua imagining the promise land before he stepped foot on it.  I thought about the Israelites walking around the walls of Jericho.  I thought about how God always provides and how he cares for his kids.

I don't know when, I don't know how, but I do know that we will have a farm.  I know that I have committed this dream to the Lord, and I know that God provides.  So now, we work to do what we can do, we pray, and we wait, and we trust.

Class of 2017

I officially graduated Dec of 2016, but I officially officially graduated when I walked the stage on May 6th.  To be perfectly honest, I was dreading it.  I didn't really want to walk.  The ONLY reason that I did walk was because of the advice I got from this really handsome guy I know.  Steve said, "Graduations are not for the students, they are for the families."

So, I walked for my kids, for my husband, and for my parents.  They were my source of strength all the way through the 4 years it took me to get my Associates of Science.  Steve would often take care of the house, the kids, dinner, and anything else that was required so that I could study.  My mom was there to offer words of encouragement (especially when I was stressing over a particularly hard subject).  They even indulged my growing office supplies habit.  There were even several times at the end of my time of being a student that my kids would read whatever paper I was writing and give me ideas or just the extra encouragement that I needed to feel confident that what I wrote was good.  Because of all their support, I was able to graduate Summa Cum Laude with a 3.9 GPA!!!!

What surprised me on the day of graduation was the amount of emotions that hit me.  In my mind, I had already graduated...  I was done.  This was just a bunch of ceremony, no big deal right?  It was after everyone received their "diploma" and all the graduates stood to the applause of the audience.  The professors in attendance stood, turned around, and clapped for us.  It was like I could feel all the overwhelming pride and joy.  The look of admiration on my kids faces, the way they were hollering at the top of their lungs "that's my mom."  Then I made eye contact with my husband, and he mouthed "I love you SOO MUCH" with a deep sigh.  It took all I had to not breakdown into tears right there in front of everyone.

In the end, I am glad that I did it.  I'm glad that I finished my degree, and I'm glad that I walked.  Even though, I have decided not to go on to become a pharmacist, and I am not using my Associates of Science to help Steve run a business, or build a farm, I am so glad I finished.  I finished for the kids; I finished for me.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” - Dr. Seuss

Noble Sin

"We are tempted not with the worst of sins but the noblest; to take things into our own hands rather than to burden God with our circumstances."

I don't know who is quoted above, I saw it on Facebook.  The truth of it hit me so hard that I've been thinking about it for months now.  I thought about all the times I tried and failed several times before I would turn to God in prayer because I had no other option.  I did not avoid my God out of malice or because I felt Him incapable.  I was taught that you should try everything that you know how to do, work hard and figure it out before you ask for help.

Not very long ago, I made a rash decision out of desperation.  Even though I knew, that something was off.  I didn't feel like it was the best option, but at the time, I felt like it was my only option.  I should have listened to the check in my spirit.  I should have prayed, I should have waited.  The situation worked out (kind of, we are still paying for/fighting that battle), but I can't help but wonder what would have happened had I waited on the Lord.

For me, I think, this goes deeper than just forgetting to call on the Lord.  It's more that I don't want to bother Him; He has enough to do, right!?!?! Why do I sometimes feel as if I am being a bother?  I feel this way in my personal relationships as well.  I do not inquire about the happenings of the people around me because I don't want to bother them.  I do not want to find out that I am not invited, and I will not invite myself (that's rude).  I figure if I was wanted, I would be invited?  IDK.  I've never been fantastic at managing friendships.

SO... this is what I should know, that obviously I still do not KNOW KNOW.  I am not a burden.  The Lord repeated asks us to come.  He wants relationship.  There are sooo many scriptures, sooo many lessons that I have heard about God being a good father.  He takes care of us.  He asks us to come.  He wants us to come to Him.

Matt. 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

1 Jn. 5:14 "This is the confidence we have when approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."