The Merge (Last Post)

This is the last post on this site.  I was having trouble keeping everything seperate or maybe together? I don't know what I am saying.  I guess what I mean is this...

As much as I love the nostalgia of this site because it is the first place that I learned I liked to blog, I am merging it with the farm website.  My life is evolving and changing and it just makes sense to put everything in one place.

From here to there happened because I wanted a place that would track where I came from and where I am going.  That sentiment will follow me and be lived out in another place. 

If you enjoy reading what I have to say, please come on over and check out the new space. 

The Farm at Cedar Barrens

Stupid Broken Windshield Wiper

Lately, we have been going through some difficult financial times.  Feast and famine of the construction world, I guess.  It's not easy for anyone, and it's definitely not easy for me.  I feel irresponsible and like I am failing at life when I can't pay my bills on time.  More than any other thing, financial issues stress me out.  I can not wait until we get to the point where we have some money set back for these "famine" times.  I just keep hoping, and waiting, and working toward that goal.  Each time, each year of owning our own business gets a little better. 

Anyway, the point of this blog....  We borrowed a truck from a friend so that we had a vehicle (Steve's truck was in the shop).  This particular morning everything was going wrong from the moment we woke up: It's raining, we can't find anything we are looking for, we were running late, the dog peed on the carpet and ate a pillow.  It didn't help that I was mad a Steve because we had a fight that neither of us had recovered from. We finally get in the truck to go and, I am trying to calm myself, thinking Jesus I need you.  Steve turns on the windshield wipers and only the drivers side is operational.  Ugh!  I mean, I'm glad that it was the drivers side that worked, it could have been worse.  Steve makes me nervous when he drives, truthfully, everyone makes me nervous.  Maybe it's that I am not in control of the car? At any rate, being nervous AND not being able to see out the window made me even more nervous.

This is when the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear, because I am bordering on panic in the passenger seat.  "Steve can see and he is the one driving".  Stupid that God would have to tell me that, right?!?  He reminded me of all the questions I had been asking, and suddenly all my problems and worries became the rain that I couldn't see through.  I still sat there panicked until He said, "It's going to be okay, I'm the one driving".  I have seen God work in my favor countless times and bring me through so many situations, and yet... I need to continually remind myself of what He has done so I don't forget to trust.  I was reminded that I don't have to be able to see where I am going, to be able to trust the driver.  I was reminded that He is my provider and my help.  He is a good Father who loves me.

None of my questions were answered, I still had all the problems I started out the day with, but the peace and love that flowed through me in that moment almost liquefied me into a puddle on the floor.   I'm thankful for little life lessons that bring perspective to my situation.  I'm thankful for reminders that even if I can't see what's up ahead, I can trust that God knows what He is doing.

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple" - Dr. Seuss

Home is not a place... It's a feeling

I hung pictures in the rental house yesterday.  It made me sad.  The pictures have been packed away in boxes since we moved.  Actually, they have been in boxes a lot longer than just before we moved.  I took them down because we were remodeling the house and they stayed there because I knew that we were going to move.

I hoped that we would be moving to the farm house that we are going to build.  When we decided to move to a rental to get out of our own way so we could finish the remodel,  I was scared and excited.  It's a huge commitment, not to mention the amount of money involved in renting a house and still paying a mortgage.  We reasoned that we would be able to finish the remodel and sell more quickly if we weren't living there.   We thought that we would have closed on the farm land by now.  We thought we would be done with the remodel by now.  Life often happens, and laughs in our face at what we thought.  This month marks the 1 year anniversary of when we put an offer on that land, and 5 months since we moved into the rental.

I didn't hang any pictures because I thought... What's the point?  We are just going to be taking them down again once we close on the land.  So they sat, in boxes, in the living room.  We used the boxes for end tables, a catch all place for stuff we hadn't figured out where to put just yet.  We used them to keep stuff off the floor and away from the dogs, but they were never hung.

Our closing became more complicated when the owner of the property passed away.  Over the last year, we have become acquainted with the owners wife.  She has been taking care of her husband, who suffered from Alzheimer's since we met her.  She probably thought, like we did, that once she found a buyer the land would close.  Yet, because of the numerous complications the title company found and needed more time to sort out, her husband passed away.  Since this sweet woman was not on the deed, she can not sell us the property until it goes through probate.  We are told by her lawyer that it could take up to 9 months to sort out.

When you think things are bad, when you feel sour and blue,
when you start to get mad... you should do what I do!
Just tell yourself, Duckie, you're really quite lucky!
Some people are much more... oh, ever so much more...
oh, muchly much-much more unlucky than you! -Dr. Seuss

So, I'm sad.  Sad that we can't be where I know that we belong.  Sad that this woman has to go through this process while grieving for her husband.  Sad that I am hanging pictures in a house that is not ours.

I haven't finished completely.  I am still figuring out where I want to put everything.  As sad as I am about the situation, I am glad that I did it.  The house feels more like a home now.  It is a subtle difference that I am not sure you would notice right away. Just having family pictures hung on the wall brings warmth, love, and belonging, at least that is how I felt when I was finished the wall I started.

How Siri Tried to Kill Me

It's about that time; it's time for a blog post about nothing.  Recently, I updated the software on my iPhone.  The new update included a feature that withholds notifications while driving and even sends an automated message stating that I am driving and will get the message when I get to where I am going or something like that.  I think it is a good idea.  I am was one of those people who would text, facebook, I've even been known to read on my kindle app while driving.  I know I know.  I don't need a lecture.  I know it's dangerous.  I am trying to be better about it and this particular feature is helping.

So, on the first day of the update, I decide to ask Siri to turn on Pandora for me.  Pandora opens immediately, thanks Siri.  I am congratulating myself for not picking up my phone while driving but verbally asking Siri to do it for me.  I get to work and receive a notification about finishing the set up for my phone and it asks me questions about the do not disturb while driving.  I finish the set up and go about my business at work.

When it's time to go home, I get in the car... turn it on... see that my phone has automatically realized that I am in my car and the "Do No Disturb" has been turned on.  I say "Hey Siri"!  I am excited.  This is a new chapter in my life.  I am being responsible... but there is silence.  "Hey Siri," I say it again a little louder but with no less enthusiasm.  Nothing.  One more time with a little irritation "Hey Siri"... she hears me this time.  "open Pandora".  I expect that it will open and my music will start playing like it did that morning. Nothing.  Siri is thinking about it, I know this by the multicolored line streaking across the bottom of my screen.  Then she says, "Hmmmm.... I'm sorry it looks like I can't do that for you while you are driving".   What the......?????   I mean, who better to do it than her... I'm the one driving, right?  Now, if I want to listen to my music, I have to pick up my phone and lie (because I have to tell my phone that I am not driving just to open it).  I thought the point of this whole thing was me not touching my phone?  I suppose I could just turn on the radio, but that is not the point.

Then, I wonder, what can Siri do while I am driving?  "Hey Siri," I say it with force and way more irritation than the last time.  Siri doesn't care, doesn't respond either.  You know when I set up Siri's voice command... I probably should have used an irritated mom voice at some point.  Anyway, I say a second "Hey, Siri, what can you do while I am driving."  Her response, "Who Me?"  OMG, yes you Siri, who else?  I probably should have given up, but I try again.  This time I ask the question a different way.  "Hey Siri, what can Siri do while I am driving?"  She thinks again, for longer than the last time and finally says... "Here is a list of things you can ask me to do"  She says this happily, as if she just hadn't handed me a list that I would have to read WHILE DRIVING.  #facepalm  #iGiveUp  Not really, but kinda.

I will continue to ask Siri things, like Hey Siri sing me a song, or like Hey Siri, what is 0/0? and my personal favorite (go ahead.. do it, you won't be disappointed) Hey Siri, I see a little sihouetto of a man.  Overall, I am happy with the new update.  I like that I can add the alarm button to my control center now.  I hated that before it would go to the timer first.  How often do people use the timer anyway?  Needless to say, I am glad that I don't have to make that little bit of extra effort to get to set my alarm.   I am not that lazy, but it surprised me how relieved I was that I could skip that one touch of the screen.  I like the new look.  I really want some airpods, and a fitbit... but that will have to wait for another day.

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.” - Dr. Seuss

Your Whispering Thoughts

"God, examine me and know my heart; test me and know my nervous thought."

- Psalm 139:23

Imagine considering every moment as a potential time of communion with God.  By the time your life is over, you will have spent six months at stoplights, eight months opening junk mail, a year and a half looking for lost stuff, and a whopping five years standing in various lines.
     Why don't you give these moments to God?  By giving God your whispering thoughts, the common becomes uncommon.  Simple phrases such as "Thank you, Father," "Be sovereign in this hour, O Lord," "You are my resting place, Jesus" can turn a commute into a pilgrimage.  You needn't leave your office or kneel in your kitchen.  Just pray where you are.  Let the kitchen become a cathedral or the classroom a chapel.  Give God your whispering thoughts.  (excerpt from "Just Like Jesus" via Grace for the Moment: July 2 devotion)

This was my devotional for today, and I felt it was too good not to share.  I struggle with this.  I should clarify, I struggle to do this daily.  I go through spurts of giving these extra moments to God, especially in times of great stress.  This is the sort of thing that I long to be better at.  I want to give all of my moments to Jesus.

I thank you Lord for these and for every everyday moment. Thank you Father, for my family, my life, and my every moment.  Help me to give them all to you.

                                            

                                                               

Bullet Journal Update

Wow, my journal has changed so much.  I started out all "I'm gonna conquer the world and this kind of organization is the way that I'm going to do it!!!!"

My first pages were all colorful.  I drew my own calendar at the beginning of the month.  I even got so detailed that I would take the dimensions of the page and calculate how much space I needed for the calendar, or the doodle with me challenge that I was doing that month.  I had a page of tracking my habits, a page for memories, and daily pages outlining what I needed to do everyday.

I hoped that all of this would help me stay focused and reach my goals for doing all the things that I wanted to do or accomplish. Despite all the changing my journal has done, using my bullet journal daily has helped me achieve my goals... one day at a time.

I found that by writing out to-do's and goals the day before, or the morning of, that I would have a clear outline for what I wanted to accomplish.  I expected that I would feel guilty if I didn't finish what I had set out to do, but I really didn't.  I found that it was nice to put a little arrow in the box and move it to the next day or the next week.  It was good to see that I hadn't forgotten about it, but realized that it wasn't as important as I initially thought.

My journal changed gradually.  Honestly, I just didn't have the time to spend setting it up the way that I had been doing.  It took a lot of time to do all that drawing.  I am creative, but I really have to work at it.  My months went from 2 pages to 1.  My daily pages went from several pages to 1.  My trackers were condensed and I tried to keep doing the doodle challenges, but I ended up not even finishing them.  I decided that I wanted to start using my journal as a journal as well and not just the mother of all calendars.  Plus, I started thinking of my journal as a bit of a keepsake.  One day when I am dead and gone, my kids might find my journals and relive their life through my eyes?  Maybe they will know me in a way that they never did before.

By the beginning of 2017, I decided to do all my calendar stuff... in my calendar (novel I know).  I had a dayspring pocket calendar that I used for everything and I found it was easier just to keep up with all my schedules in that instead of duplicating it every day into my journal.  My calendar already had pages for daily entries, I just modified the space a little bit.  I used colored pencils (cause it still has to be pretty) to fill in the sections that I completed.  I was even able to fit in my daily goals.

Now I mostly use my journal as a journal, I sometimes add brain storming, goal setting, random doodles, notes when I'm out, and the occasional handwriting practice.  As I have gone back and looked at the previous pages of my journal, I remembered how much I enjoyed making each page.  Honestly, my bullet journal will always be evolving.  My goal is to do something creative every day, that might come in the form of doing another doodle challenge.  Who knows.

This whole bullet journey has been good, and a great way for me to be organized and productive.  Not only that, it has also given me a way to practice being creative daily.  So, overall.... I would call this venture a success!


“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
― Dr. Seuss

Rosy Encouragement

The other day my mom sent me this encouraging text.  I didn't really need it at the time but I have been thinking about it quite a lot lately.

She said, "The rose is beautiful on the outside but it is from the inner heart that the fragrance comes from.  You hold the perfume of God within you"  My name of course is Kaloni Rose meaning "heavenly rose"  so this means a lot to me.  It's also motivation to let the fragrance of the Lord radiate out from my life.  It is a reminder that my life affects those around me.  It reminds me that not only my actions but my thoughts can have to power to change a situation.  

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."- Luke 6:45

"Kind hearts are the garden, kind thoughts are the roots, kind words are the blossoms, kind deeds are the fruits" - John Ruskin (saying on my recipe box)

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." - Dr. Seuss (Ok, so this is a bit of a stretch for a fitting quote, but this is when the Grinch discovers that its all about the heart)

Perseverance

God says this, but I experienced that... Now what? Wrestle with God, I'm not going to change my theology... I insist that you help me change my experience. -paraphrased from Kris Volloton.

I scrolled across Kris Vollotton's blog this morning on Facebook, and I thought... wow, how timely is that.  I was just saying to Steve yesterday, how do I believe in faith and protect my heart at the same time?  Why is it that I feel with all my being that this land is supposed to be ours and yet we are having such a hard time achieving that goal?

I know that it doesn't address my faith question directly, but it did address something that I struggle with.  So often, I just let things go.  I know that what I am praying for is in the Father's will, yet when it doesn't happen.... I just let it go.  Maybe it wasn't time, maybe God wanted to take that person home to heaven, maybe they weren't ready to receive a healing, maybe I did something wrong?  I do this all the time and second guess what I know to be true about God's character.

Wrestling with God means that you fight for what is promised.  It means that you fight for what is right.  Abraham wrestled with God before his grandson did.  Remember the story of Sodom and Gomorrah?  Abraham continued to ask God to spare the righteous in those towns and to not burn them along with the wicked.  That is wrestling with God, too.

So, to me this was encouragement to keep praying and seeking.  I continue to see myself on that property with my farm and goats and making soap and spinning yarn.  I continue to pray that God will give us creative ideas and I keep taking the steps forward in faith getting ready for what I know will come.

My Real Imaginary Farm Life

Today started out like most other Mondays.  I woke up at 6 am, then woke the kids to get ready for school.  I took a shower, then I constantly gave Elijah step by step instructions on what he should be doing instead of doing whatever it was that he was actually doing.  After taking the kids to their respective morning places to be, I came home to do business stuff.

Business stuff today, was taking Steve to Nashville to do some work so the concrete workers could poor the driveway for the house that we are building.  As a side note, Steve currently has the flu.  He has a fever and is achy all over and feels horrible, yet he still worked.  I am so thankful to be married to a man that will provide for his family no matter what.  I am thankful that even though he feels bad, he is still taking care of us.

We got back home, I cleaned up the table, put the sheets in the wash, and swept the floor.  I put my favorite podcast (Keeping up with the Jonses) in my earbuds, then for the first time ever I stepped out on to my porch and saw 30 acres of land that is ours. The feeling of the cool wood beneath my feet as I walked to my favorite sitting place.  I propped my feet up and took a deep breath of the remaining dew that clung to the grass.  The fresh smell of water and grass and the freshness of spring on the air washed over me.  I looked out over the land and was absolutely amazed at the peace.  The ducks were in the pond; swimming, diving, enjoying the morning.  The goats are playing on the pallet jungle we have made.  They are jumping from pallet to rock to grass, playing on the beautiful spring morning.  I can hear the chickens clucking away as the find bugs and seeds to snack on.  Our dog, Luna, is watching over everything.  In my minds eye, I could see and feel and smell all of this as I listened to Alyn and AJ talk about transformation this morning.

I saw a video that reminded me of a truth, that I haven't been living or even practiced for a long time.  What I think about, what I dwell on, who I am... that is what I draw to myself. And not only does what I think about affect, who I am... but I have the power to visualize my future and bring that to me as well
.  If I can "see" it, it can happen  I have been feeling that I need to change the way that I have been thinking lately.  Usually, the Lord speaks to me through my own mouth... and more often than not it is when I am lecturing my kids about some life lesson.  The power of thought has been a topic for the last few weeks.

This morning, I didn't specifically intend on focusing on such a vivid imagination, but when it hit me... I went with it.  While I listened, not only was I blessed by the topic, I was also seeing what my future will look like.  Soon, I will be able to walk out on my deck and watch a flourishing farm wake up.  Since I was already in this mindset, I decided to take a spiritual walk around our 30 acres.  I put on some exercise pants and took a mile long walk around the neighborhood while imagining the land and thanking God for His provision, for his blessing on the land, and for my faith.  I asked God to help me in my unbelieving.  I asked him to help me see past the obstacles and to help me see what he has prepared for us.  I kept the images of the land in my mind, and I thought about all the plans that we have already made.  I thought about where the house will go, where the barn will go and I thought about what daily life will look like when we are living on the land that God has prepared for us.  I thought about Joshua imagining the promise land before he stepped foot on it.  I thought about the Israelites walking around the walls of Jericho.  I thought about how God always provides and how he cares for his kids.

I don't know when, I don't know how, but I do know that we will have a farm.  I know that I have committed this dream to the Lord, and I know that God provides.  So now, we work to do what we can do, we pray, and we wait, and we trust.

Class of 2017

I officially graduated Dec of 2016, but I officially officially graduated when I walked the stage on May 6th.  To be perfectly honest, I was dreading it.  I didn't really want to walk.  The ONLY reason that I did walk was because of the advice I got from this really handsome guy I know.  Steve said, "Graduations are not for the students, they are for the families."

So, I walked for my kids, for my husband, and for my parents.  They were my source of strength all the way through the 4 years it took me to get my Associates of Science.  Steve would often take care of the house, the kids, dinner, and anything else that was required so that I could study.  My mom was there to offer words of encouragement (especially when I was stressing over a particularly hard subject).  They even indulged my growing office supplies habit.  There were even several times at the end of my time of being a student that my kids would read whatever paper I was writing and give me ideas or just the extra encouragement that I needed to feel confident that what I wrote was good.  Because of all their support, I was able to graduate Summa Cum Laude with a 3.9 GPA!!!!

What surprised me on the day of graduation was the amount of emotions that hit me.  In my mind, I had already graduated...  I was done.  This was just a bunch of ceremony, no big deal right?  It was after everyone received their "diploma" and all the graduates stood to the applause of the audience.  The professors in attendance stood, turned around, and clapped for us.  It was like I could feel all the overwhelming pride and joy.  The look of admiration on my kids faces, the way they were hollering at the top of their lungs "that's my mom."  Then I made eye contact with my husband, and he mouthed "I love you SOO MUCH" with a deep sigh.  It took all I had to not breakdown into tears right there in front of everyone.

In the end, I am glad that I did it.  I'm glad that I finished my degree, and I'm glad that I walked.  Even though, I have decided not to go on to become a pharmacist, and I am not using my Associates of Science to help Steve run a business, or build a farm, I am so glad I finished.  I finished for the kids; I finished for me.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” - Dr. Seuss

Noble Sin

"We are tempted not with the worst of sins but the noblest; to take things into our own hands rather than to burden God with our circumstances."

I don't know who is quoted above, I saw it on Facebook.  The truth of it hit me so hard that I've been thinking about it for months now.  I thought about all the times I tried and failed several times before I would turn to God in prayer because I had no other option.  I did not avoid my God out of malice or because I felt Him incapable.  I was taught that you should try everything that you know how to do, work hard and figure it out before you ask for help.

Not very long ago, I made a rash decision out of desperation.  Even though I knew, that something was off.  I didn't feel like it was the best option, but at the time, I felt like it was my only option.  I should have listened to the check in my spirit.  I should have prayed, I should have waited.  The situation worked out (kind of, we are still paying for/fighting that battle), but I can't help but wonder what would have happened had I waited on the Lord.

For me, I think, this goes deeper than just forgetting to call on the Lord.  It's more that I don't want to bother Him; He has enough to do, right!?!?! Why do I sometimes feel as if I am being a bother?  I feel this way in my personal relationships as well.  I do not inquire about the happenings of the people around me because I don't want to bother them.  I do not want to find out that I am not invited, and I will not invite myself (that's rude).  I figure if I was wanted, I would be invited?  IDK.  I've never been fantastic at managing friendships.

SO... this is what I should know, that obviously I still do not KNOW KNOW.  I am not a burden.  The Lord repeated asks us to come.  He wants relationship.  There are sooo many scriptures, sooo many lessons that I have heard about God being a good father.  He takes care of us.  He asks us to come.  He wants us to come to Him.

Matt. 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

1 Jn. 5:14 "This is the confidence we have when approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."

Getting over the Funk

The struggle is real... a lot more some days (or weeks) than others.  I've been in a "funk" for the last several months.  I have been pushing through, some days are better than others, but the depression is there lurking under the surface.  I've never been one to have to deal with depression on a regular basis, I honestly don't even know if depression is the right word.

It's dumb!  My husband tells me and shows me that I am beautiful every day.  When did my self-worth start depending on my mood?  Where did the confidence go, did I ever really have it?  Why do I care what you think?

When I examine how I have been feeling, it's the lack of confidence that I notice the most.  The feeling that I am not good enough, that I am not beautiful, that I am just getting old and worn out and tired.  Is that depression?

Whatever it is, I am tired of dealing with it.  This is not who I am, this is not who I am created to be.  I am STRONG.  I am BEAUTIFUL.  I am MORE than CAPABLE,  I am a daughter of the KING.

So, I am slowly climbing out of this funk.  I'm consciously taking steps to feeling better.  I'm making goals for exercising and eating well.  I'm trying not to be too hard on myself when I don't meet those goals.  I'm sharing my feelings now, not for sympathy, but for support.  I need people to speak truth and encouragement into my life.  And I am speaking encouragement to myself, I know who I am, and I intend to start acting like it.

I don't expect it to be easy, climbing out of this funk will take some doing on my part.  Besides, being a princess is hard work.  Being a princess is about more than just looking pretty to find a prince that will take care of you and everything else.  Being a princess isn't even about only depending on only yourself, despite what feminism and Hollywood says, but knowing when you need others and letting them help fill in gaps that only they can fill.  Being a princess is about learning how to rule, it requires a willingness to learn, and a willingness to listen.  It requires confidence and purpose, It requires loyalty, caring, understanding, love and compassion.  It means being aware of yourself, knowing both strengths and weakness, and being willing to change.  One of my favorite movies One Night With The King puts it well:

Hagai: [to Esther as she is feeding the monkeys] I am curious, to whether you frustrate me of sincerity or to ensure you're never chosen Queen.
Esther: [getting to her feet, turning around] You assume I actually care about being chosen Queen.
Hagai: I am serious!
Esther: Serious of what? Finding a real Queen? Is that why you subject us to these beauty treatments? These... classes?
Hagai: You do not like our fine instructors?
Esther: They simply neglect to teach us some things.
Hagai: Such as?
Esther: Well seemingly anything to do with actually being Queen. The thought well thought; the word well spoken; and the deed well done.

This is the kind of leader, person, daughter, mom, and wife that I want to be.  A person who has well thoughts, words and deeds.  A true princess

Which Way Is West?

-journey-

noun:

1.an act of traveling from one place to another.

a long and often difficult process of personal change and development.

You should know that I am terrible with directions, Steve teases me about it all the time. I mean, I can figure it out as long as it's not high noon, but it takes me like 30 mins.

 As I was driving home the other day, I was deep in thought and made the wrong turn.  It took me 15 minutes longer to get to my destination because I turned on to the interstate by accident.  I get distracted by my thoughts a lot more now, age I guess, Steve will have to keep a better eye on me so I don't get lost (either that or buy me a compass.. lol not that I would know how to use it).  Maybe it's because I feel like I have more time to think now? Whatever the case, that isn't the point of this story.

I started thinking about our farm.  We want to move onto land with nothing on it.  A blank slate that we can plan out in which ever way we want.  Specifically, I thought about documenting the process to getting settled.  It made me wonder about this blog and wonder if I should change the name of it, or start a new one when we get the farm land.  I thought of why I decided to go with "From Here to There" as the title to the assignment that my teacher gave me.  Does it still fit what and who I am now?  I honestly didn't think that I would like or continue doing this (I didn't know myself at all, obviously). I chose the name of the blog because I liked Dr. Seuss and I hoped that I could write about things in my life and the funny things that are everywhere.  "From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere."  A silly name for a blog? I shortened it and used Dr. Seuss quotes at the end of my assignments.  Extra credit for creativity!  I'm a shameless suck up, sometimes.

 Little did I know, I would end up loving  Dr. Seuss even more and could find a way for his quotes seem to fit almost any situation.  I thought about my time as a college student.  All I wanted was to get from here to there. I wanted to finish school.  I wanted my life to have a different direction, if only just slightly.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could graduate.  I suppose I even wanted to mend past regrets, not that I wish my life were different, I genuinely love the way it all turned out.  It took me 4 years to finish my degree, but I did it. As I thought about all of that, I smiled because the words 'from here to there' speak about a journey.  A journey from where I was, where I am now to where I want to go, who I want to be, how I want to live and every change along the way.

This blog really is a snapshot into the journey that I've been on so far, and that is what it will continue to be.  My apologies for not blogging more often.  Also my apologies for being boring, we can't all be Anna Kendrick (She is my new favorite actress.  I think she might like dinosaurs as much as I do, this is of course complete speculation on my part).  I really am trying to form better writing habits. Anyhooo... I decided right then that 1. I had something to write about and 2. I'm keeping the name of my blog.  "From Here to There" started as an assignment and changed into this:  A peephole into my life and my journey. I am determined to enjoy the road to getting to the end of my story.    And I don't know when I'll get There, but I'll let you know when I do. ;-) 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” -Dr. Seuss

Oh Oh Oh OH Stayin Alive

It's been a little over a year since I wrote about our BIG DREAMS.  Obviously, that didn't happen last year.  The dream is still alive and much closer than it was last year.  We are working hard on growing our building business and getting the house ready to sale, so that we can move on to farm life.  Last year, the dream seemed so unreachable.  I never thought that we would find a place that would fulfill all the wishes I had and some that I didn't even know I would need.

I should have more faith.  I've been praying for some time now that God would prepare the land we were meant to live on, that He would help us find it when the time was right.  That happened!  Maybe I am speaking too soon because there are at least two more things that need to happen before the land is ours.  We are on the list to have a perk test done, and we need to have our loan/financing finished (which includes selling our current house... which means we have to finish remodeling it).  Well okay, so more than two things need to happen.

I've also put some more thought into what I really want (what I really really want ): Eggs, Milk, Meat, and Wool.  The wool is where I am struggling.  I think I want to do Angora Rabbits for wool, less stinky? smaller animal?  IDK.  I am still putting some thought and research into that.  I am also looking into how I can make our farm productive, or at least break even.  We want to do this to be self sufficient.  So I want to be able to make goat milk soaps, and angora (maybe) yarn, have a way to feed our family and know where the food came from.  It's definitely going to be a lot of work but I am ready for it.

One step at a time we will see our plans and dreams become a reality

Possible Rant

Here's the thing, people take the internet WAY too seriously without the benefits of friendship (or any semblance of close relationship) and it only breeds so much unnecessary offense.

The other day was just like any other day and my loving and amazing husband was his usual meddling and controversial self.  He finds pleasure in rattling cages and rocking boats and generally making others question norms (even if he doesn't question them himself).  This isn't necessarily a bad quality, but often it is mistaken because people do not know my husband well.

There were many people who were offended with what Steve posted on Facebook the other day.  One person in particular really got under my skin, usually I just ignore Steve's posts altogether because it just isn't worth my stress level to be sucked into all of the things that he involves himself in.  **This blog is starting to sound like a rant, I promise it's not.  I love Steve SOO MUCH.  We are just have totally different personalities... anyway back to what I was saying** On this particular day, it hit me wrong and I wanted to chew this person out.  They basically said that because what Steve's post was offensive that his freedom of speech was forfeit.

I gave this a decent amount of thought into this.  When are people not offended over just about anything?  Let me clarify, I do not condone someone being purposefully cruel, but I also do not think that you lose your right to free speech just because someone might be offended?  I bet you can think of lots of things where others were offended by actions that you yourself perceived as harmless.

So as I am thinking about all of these things: being offended, lack of personal connection, freedom and such.  I thought about how the majority of the friends I have on Facebook, I have personally met or have known in the past.  Steve hasn't necessarily met all of his friends but they usually share political beliefs.  This made me think that maybe, just maybe, the comment that I took offense to was not meant to be offensive either?  I don't know.  I never asked.  I figure that Steve can handle it on his own and my interference could make a situation out of nothing.  This IS Facebook we are talking about, which is mostly a bunch of drama anyway.

Maybe this blog is a rant?  The point to the whole thing though is this:  Give people the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe they aren't good with the written word.  Maybe they are joking.  Try and filter things through their lens instead of yours.

"Poor empty pants with noone inside them" - Dr. Seuss

Diggin' Ditches

Taking the leap of faith.  Plunging into the unknown.  Going where others have gone before, but not me so it's kinda scary.  I am going to go part time and then eventually quit so that I can fully focus on our business and on new adventures for our family.

Yes, you heard me right.  I am going to quit my job.  This is not something that I take lightly; I have never been the type to NOT work.  When my kids were small, I nearly went insane because I didn't have a job outside the house and now it is all that I think about.  I'm not delusional though, I know that what I am about to do will be a lot more work than what I do now.  I am not quitting to get away from work because I am lazy, I truly feel like this is the next necessary step for our family to continue to grow and prosper.

Honestly, I'm super nervous.  There is so much that can go wrong.  What if the market crashes again, and there are no more houses to build?  What if we can't find work?  What if something catastrophic happens that I haven't even thought of already? What if, What if, What if??  And here I am quitting a job that could carry us through a rough time.  But the TRUTH is that none of the what ifs matter, they are worth a glance because it's always a good idea to be prepared, but they are not worth my time or worry.  If I focus on the wrong what ifs, I will be stagnant and never move from the "security" of  what I have now.

Our goals will take work.  Our goals will take faith.  I figure it's kinda like deciding to have a kid.  Is there a good time?  There's never enough money, our society seems to be declining at an ever increasing rate, and if you continue to look at the negative what ifs.... life may never happen.  So, instead, what if because of this step of faith (scary as it may seem) we earn more jobs?  What if our company grows because of my increased involvement and the skill that only I can provide?  What if the customer service that I am able to provide makes happier clients, who then refer us to their friends?  What if more time at home means my kids are better cared for and I am even more available to be a part of their lives?  What if, I have time to learn new skills to not only take care of our baby company, but our family in ways that keep everyone more healthy?

I am choosing to focus on the positive what ifs.  Do I know how all this is going to happen? NO, of course not.  What I do know is that I feel very strongly that this is not a mistake.  While in the process of making this decision, I've been reading about the life of Elisha (it has been a lifeline for me on several occasions this past month).  In Chapter 3 of 2 Kings there is the story about the kings of Israel, Judah, and Edom fighting a rebellion.  They find themselves in a desert with no water for their army.  They call on Elisha who says, "...the Lord says, Make this valley full of ditches.  For this is what the Lord says: you will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water, and you, your cattle and your other animals will drink.  This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord; he will also deliver Moab into your hands..."  For the Israelites, this was an act of faith.  God wanted them to dig ditches to be filled with water when there is no sign of rain.  I'm sure they had what ifs, I'm sure some thought about the insanity of digging a ditch in the desert when they were already out of water.  But they did it anyway, and they not only received the water, they also won the fight.

I need some 'water' in my life.  I am believing that as I do the work of "digging ditches" God is going to fill them.  I believe that even though taking the next step seems crazy, and could go horribly wrong (like digging a ditch in a desert) it is what I need to do to prepare for God's blessing in our lives.

Last Semester

School is about to start for me again.  This will by my last semester! I will graduate with my Associates in Biology in December!  My two year degree has taken me about 4 years to complete.  I am ever so thankful for the support that I received from my family while I studied.  There have been so many times throughout the years that I have felt like (and probably have) ignored my kids and my husband.  I thought briefly about not even finishing when I decided NOT to continue on to pharmacy school.

I decided about a year ago that I didn't really want to be a pharmacist.  I see what the women I work with go through on a daily basis, I do not want that kind of stress.  It might seem weird to some that I spent all this time on a degree that I plan on doing nothing with, but I feel accomplished.  Having a college education is something that I never thought that I would have in my adult life.  Now, not only have I proven that I can do anything, but I have also shown my kids that I can do anything I set my mind to do.  The kids are the reason that I decided to finish getting my degree.  They saw me start college and I want them to see me finish.  I want them to see my walk across the stage and receive my diploma.

My desires for life and how I want to spend the rest of my days has changed so much in 4 years.  4 years ago had you asked me where I saw myself in 5,10, 20 years... I probably (definitely) wouldn't have said on a farm.  That is exactly where I want to be though.  I know nothing about farming.. I kill most every plant that I touch (except basil), and I have never raised a goat, pig, sheep or rabbit.  Yet the desire to have a farm is so strong that its all I think about most of the time.  When I Pintrest, it's about how to run a homestead, how to be self-sufficient, how to preserve food, and the perfect farm house.  I'm ready for that part of my life to start, but first I have to concentrate on ending this part.

Steve Lane: State Senate - District 14

First, let me just say, especially if you read my blog often, that I am totally failing at the whole "I'm going to post at least one blog a month" thing.  I'm working on it.. one step at a time. Now on the to reason I'm writing...

My husband is running for a State Senate in Tennessee, District 14.  I am so proud of him.  When he ran for US House in 2014, I didn't know what to expect and let me tell you... it was super stressful for the family.  There has been some stress this time, but not nearly as much.  I think that it has some to do with the fact that I knew what to expect, but more to do with the scale of the race.  Steve does not have to cover nearly as many counties as last time.

The discussion that took place prior to Steve announcing that he would be running were much shorter than those that took place when he wanted to run for US House two years ago.  I can't help but support Steve's dreams, I love him.  It's more than just the incredibly disgusting amount of love that I have for him, I know his heart.  Not only does he truly have a passion for people, and wants what is best for them, he also has so many creative, new ideas to get things done within the realm of limited government, economic freedom, and individual liberty.

I believe in what Steve stands for and I believe that he will make a lot of positive change in our state and communities.  He recently released a VIDEO explaining why he is running for Senate.  I've teased that the only reason this video will do well is because I am in it, but in truth... the reason it will do well is because it is REAL, he is real.  I believe that people (including me) are sick of the fake, sick of the same old lies and excuses and pandering.  I believe that most of us are ready for some authentic change!

It would mean so much if you would check Steve out and see what he is all about.  He is open and honest and will answer any questions that you might have.  It would mean even more if you would support him in his efforts to be elected to TN, district 14, State Senate.

Primary election day isn't that far away and we have a lot of work left to do.

Steve can be reached through:

Facebook: Steve Lane for Tennessee

Twitter: @lanefortn

Web: lanefortn.com

Bullet Journey

photo cred: @boho.berry

     Sunday is the day that I start my journey.  I have decided to jump into the world of bullet journaling.  I want to better organize my life.
     Steve will tell you that I love paper.  The problem is that I have too much of it.  I have a calendar in my purse.  A calendar on my wall. Another calendar for just the kids stuff.  A Google calendar (several of those actually).. I have notes in my phone, on little pieces of paper both in my wallet and on my cork board at my desk.  I'm sure there is an app for my problem, but I don't want an app... I love paper!!
 
     At first, I was kinda confused about the whole idea of bullet journaling.  How?  All of everything in one place AND still be able to find it?  I was already hooked after reading the article that one of my friends posted on Facebook, so I started doing some research to figure this whole thing out.  I looked all over Instagram, Blogs, Youtube and Pinterest.  Youtube was the best at explaining but I got some really good ideas from the others too.

photo cred: @alexandra_plans

Now I'm ready!!  I know how I want to start and I already have plans and ideas for how I will change it up when I have more to take care of..... like goats and sheep and a farm.  The journal is also good for keeping up with goals.  I would like to write at least one blog a month and increase the frequency gradually.  I would like to run at least 3 times a week.  Do my daily devotional... Daily.  These particular goals are not new ones; I've had them for a while now.  I feel like writing them down and tracking my habits will make me more accountable.
   I also think that this will be fun!  I have be wanted to start my journal again anyway, I want to have fun with this... I hope that it will be a relaxing and even therapeutic.
    So, here goes.

Oh the thinks you can think up if only you try!

- Dr. Seuss-

Papa's Heart

Last week was a bit of a challenge.  Between school and work and kids, I had to take Steve to Kentucky so that he could be with his family.  My father-in-law found out that he needed a quadruple bypass surgery.  After getting back home that evening, I took myself and one of my daughters to the clinic only to find out that we both had strep.

I'm thankful that I couldn't stay in the hospital long when visiting Don, very thankful that I didn't get him sick.

As per usual, school always seems to seep into my life, or maybe it's the other way around.  My assignment this week was to write a haiku.

In this waiting room
Here, waiting waiting waiting
Worried sick waiting

Clean room, skilled hands work
Doctors mending Papa's heart
Will everything be ok?

Tick tock tick tock time
Keep my mind on something else
Worry never helps

Update:  Don only needed a triple by-pass and he was home after only 3 nights.  He is doing well!!